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Was Your Marriage a Waste of Time?

The end of the year, with all of its auld lang syne hoopla, reminds me of a couple of recurring thoughts surrounding divorce that you've probably had too. They are compelling enough to cause us to "go there" for a few minutes until we realize they really shouldn't be the main concern. I'm not going to say the feelings are unfounded, because all thoughts have some reason to be explored, but if you're like me, you tend not to explore this. I just sort of feel the rising anger or despair and then put the feeling on the back burner ASAP. 1 (Before divorce) "I've already put in ____ years into this marriage. it would be a waste of all that time to get a divorce." OR 2 (After divorce) "I wasted _

Because You're Worth It

The state of being worthy of something was a major focus in my marriage to X. I remember I'd completed some onerous task early in our marriage and I said that I deserved something for what I had just done. His reply was something like, "You can't deserve [whatever it was,] you have to earn it." At the time, earning the right to everything seemed like a noble endeavor. Wow, I couldn't believe my parents had never taught me that concept. What lenient losers! They had coddled me so much I was practically a worthless slug of a human being! Yes, certainly every good thing in my life should be based on my performance. As the years progressed, however, life became one big hamster wheel. The unfort

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